FRIDAY FUNNIES

Following are some newspaper headlines that apparently sailed by the keeper:

MAN KILLS SELF BEFORE SHOOTING WIFE AND DAUGHTER

SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS
(You think?)

POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS
(Maybe taking it a bit far?)

PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER
(We can assure you no Eliza Park veterinary staff were involved)

MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH
(Lazy so and sos)

WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE

COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES
(Genius!)

COUPLE SLAIN: POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE

RED TAPE HOLDS UP BRIDGE
(There’s something stronger than duct tape?)

MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING: FACES BATTERY CHARGE
(He is the battery charge!)

ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT

KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS
(Boiled or fried?)

But the winner is …

TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY … HUNDREDS DEAD